Mad Murphy – Sexuality & Gender

SEXUALITY & GENDER

I was once closed minded. Well, to a degree. I know I touched on this in a previous rant, about open-mindedness, and I guarantee NOT to toot my own horn about this, in fear of becoming a hypocrite myself, but I have evolved. I’m not as broad as the skies of Montana, but when it comes to personal beliefs, sexuality and gender… I’m pretty laid back about it.

My stance on MOST topics is this: As long as you don’t twist my arm about it, I have no problem with what you do. That goes for religion, sexuality and gender. But there are those, that still like to twist my words and make me out into a bigot. Well, I am bigoted when it comes to some things, so let’s just get this one thing straight, Chuck.

I don’t give a fuck who you wanna fuck.

I don’t give a shit which team you bat for

I don’t care who you want to spend your time with, or who you love, or what clothes you want to wear.

It’s WHO YOU ARE that matters.

Now the easiest place for anyone to offend someone is, of course, on Tumblr. We all know how it works. You say something, someone either spins it to make you look like an asshole or they only read what they want to read and then magically fill in the blanks with text that was never there. And if I posted ALL of the anon hate that I used to get on a daily basis, then you would see nothing but anon hate on my blog. If I’m lying, I’m dying: I received roughly anywhere from 50-100 anon hate, death threats, threats to my family, threats on behalf of other people, insults, suggestions on what I can stick up my ass…. the list goes on and on.

Why did I keep anons on? well because 25% of the anons that I get are from people who love what I do, have questions about life, need some advice, or those without an account and just want to say hi.

But the amount of hate I get is not the topic of conversation, just a side note.

And on this “Epitome of Tolerance” Social Media site, I have been called the following: sexist, racist, ableist, elitist, homophobic, heterophobic, transphobic, aphobic, non-binary-phobic, phobic-phobic, and complete asshole, a bully, a notorious liar, and a malicious stalker.

I don’t know how the last one fits in, but you cannot unlearn that now.

Now, I could go on and on about how some of my closest friends are homosexual, or gender-fluid, but that doesn’t make a lick of difference. You can still have a gay friend and be homophobic, I’ve seen it happen. But all of this blind hatred is usually chalked up to the fact that people need someone to hate, or their lives are so boring, that they have to liven it up somehow. So they take shit off my blog so far out of context, that it no longer can see the sun and they spin it so they can make a soapbox constructed of bullshit, toothpaste and self-loathing.

I have not, nor have I ever hated or discriminated anyone solely based on who they love, who they have sex with or who (or what in some cases) they relate to more.

Let’s take my friend Hank. First off, I want to apologize to Hank for singling him out, I am just using him as an example. Also, Hank is not his real name. Hank, is biologically female, but prefers and is more comfortable as a male. Now, when I first met, I thought there were four types of people, hetero, homo, bi and trans. Honestly, I thought everyone else was just fucking confused, or didn’t know what they wanted and couldn’t make up their god-damned minds.

But after talking to Hank, I realized that I need to widen my field of vision. Yes, fully accepting homo, bi and trans was a good start, better than most, but there are other terms that specify other combinations. After listing all the different sexualities and genders, and a severe nosebleed, I came to terms with the fact that I didn’t know shit. And for the longest time, and I still trip up here and there, I still refer to Hank as she, but I at least correct myself, and apologize, rather than just tell him “NO, YOU’RE A GIRL, AND THAT’S THAT!”

Now, I still believe that in the case of biology and medical treatment, you should adhere to the correct scientific gender, simply for your own health can safety. Yes, you may refer to yourself as a he, but you can still get a mammogram. Yes, you may refer to yourself as female, but you still need to get a prostate exam. And that’s the issue I ran into on Tumblr.

Well, one of them.

I reblogged and agreed with a statement that I don’t give two shits if you are homo, hetero, bi, pan, a, trans, or whatever…. but when filling out a god damn medical, you go with what your body IS, and not what you want it to be. If you respect yourself enough to be proud of who you are, then you need to take measures to ensure that you have proper health and maintenance.

The Tumblr-Folk only saw that I was against the original poster’s claim that “FILLING OUT THIS MEDICAL FORM IS BULLSHIT. I AM A TRANS-QUEER-OMNIKIN. WHERE’S THAT ON THE FUCKING FORM?”

Doesn’t matter what you think you are, sweetie. Science don’t lie.

Unless you have gone through some severe surgery, your body will still do what it does, naturally.

So, does this mean an old dog can learn new tricks? God Damn right it can. I have never had any issue with people who want to be with whatever people they want to be with, and now I am learning that there are certain people who don’t really want to be with anyone. Know what I say to them? Not a god damn thing, cuz that’s their thing. They don’t want to have sex, they don’t want to be in a relationship, who the fuck am I to say that they are wrong? Who am I to judge?

Look, if more people would stop judging people by who they have sex with or who they DON’T have sex with, and judge them more on who they ARE, a lot of all of this bullshit we see in the news would simply go away.

I’ve also noticed that no matter how much I learn, or what I say… I’m damned if I do, and I’m damned if I don’t. Case in point: I’ve learned the error of my former self, that people SHOULD be treated as equals, we shouldn’t have any labels, we shouldn’t separate ourselves, we should all have a level playing field. Yes, I agree, but I saw a post calling out that my dismissal of labels was wrong, and now I needed to acknowledge everyone differently, I’m all HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE, MABEL! You just said two minutes ago that you wanted everyone to be treated like equals, so I’m treating everyone like equals. Your race, creed, gender or gender-identity or sexuality no longer matter to me. And I was told I was wrong. I was flat out told, and I quote “…my ignorance [of the origin of the marginalized] is not helping to erase racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia”.

WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK?!?!?!?

First you want me to treat everyone as equals, which means looking BEYOND the outside and seeing the person. And then you have the fucking gall to turn around and tell me that you want me to acknowledge all of your differences, but treat you all the same… NO FUCKING WAY, SHIRLEY. Look, I’m tolerant to a fault, but you cannot tell someone to be supportive and then criticize the support they give you? THAT IS WHAT CREATES BIGOTRY! THAT IS WHAT CREATES HATE! THAT IS WHAT STARTS WARS! I’m teaching my son that its what’s on the inside that matters, and now you’re telling me that I can’t just tell me son that “those are two people”, I have to tell him “that’s a white person and that’s a black person, but that’s ok.” First you bitch about all the labels, so I get rid of the labels, now you want me to use them again. FUCK YOU, NANCY. I WILL NOT!

But, that’s not the worst of it all. Oh no no no no. You gotta hand it to the Catholics… they just LOVE throwing a monkey wrench into things. There is this line, in this big book of stories that claims “A man shouldn’t lie with another man, as he does a woman.” Leviticus 20:13. Now, of course, that there all by itself tells you that this big book of fairy tales claims that homosexuality is a big no-no.
Here’s another thing I just LOVE about this one line. Remember that, it’s just one line. One line out of how many thousands of others? Plus, the way it’s used, it’s taken so far out of context, it’s ridiculous. You want the FULL Picture, then you need to read the entire chapter of Leviticus 20:

The Lord said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites: ‘Any Israelite or any foreigner residing in Israel who sacrifices any of his children to Molek is to be put to death. The members of the community are to stone him. I myself will set my face against him and will cut him off from his people; for by sacrificing his children to Molek, he has defiled my sanctuary and profaned my holy name. If the members of the community close their eyes when that man sacrifices one of his children to Molek and if they fail to put him to death, I myself will set my face against him and his family and will cut them off from their people together with all who follow him in prostituting themselves to Molek.

I will set my face against anyone who turns to mediums and spiritists to prostitute themselves by following them, and I will cut them off from their people.

‘Consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am the Lord your God. Keep my decrees and follow them. I am the Lord, who makes you holy.

‘Anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death. Because they have cursed their father or mother, their blood will be on their own head.

‘If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress are to be put to death.

‘If a man has sexual relations with his father’s wife, he has dishonored his father. Both the man and the woman are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

‘If a man has sexual relations with his daughter-in-law, both of them are to be put to death. What they have done is a perversion; their blood will be on their own heads.

‘If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable.They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

‘If a man marries both a woman and her mother, it is wicked. Both he and they must be burned in the fire, so that no wickedness will be among you.

‘If a man has sexual relations with an animal, he is to be put to death, and you must kill the animal.

‘If a woman approaches an animal to have sexual relations with it, kill both the woman and the animal. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

‘If a man marries his sister, the daughter of either his father or his mother, and they have sexual relations, it is a disgrace. They are to be publicly removed from their people. He has dishonored his sister and will be held responsible.

‘If a man has sexual relations with a woman during her monthly period, he has exposed the source of her flow, and she has also uncovered it. Both of them are to be cut off from their people.

‘Do not have sexual relations with the sister of either your mother or your father, for that would dishonor a close relative; both of you would be held responsible.

‘If a man has sexual relations with his aunt, he has dishonored his uncle. They will be held responsible; they will die childless.

‘If a man marries his brother’s wife, it is an act of impurity; he has dishonored his brother. They will be childless.

‘Keep all my decrees and laws and follow them, so that the land where I am bringing you to live may not vomit you out. You must not live according to the customs of the nations I am going to drive out before you. Because they did all these things, I abhorred them. But I said to you, “You will possess their land; I will give it to you as an inheritance, a land flowing with milk and honey.” I am the Lord your God, who has set you apart from the nations.

‘You must therefore make a distinction between clean and unclean animals and between unclean and clean birds.Do not defile yourselves by any animal or bird or anything that moves along the ground—those that I have set apart as unclean for you. You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own.

‘A man or woman who is a medium or spiritist among you must be put to death. You are to stone them; their blood will be on their own heads.”

See, it’s not about homosexuality at all. In the bigger picture, the line in question basically refers to women as property, and they were regarded as property back then. So basically, you want to have sex with another person of equal standing? No problem. You wanna fuck your car? Now we got a problem.

NOW… here’s where we might get to the unpopular opinion of the day. Just because I recognize who you are, or what you are… doesn’t necessarily mean that I agree with it. And this is the other side of this double-edged sword of wandering genitalia. There are many people like myself that really don’t give a shit about who you toss your junk at, its when you make it our problem, that we start to take issue. And that, because society is extremely fickle, usually leads to accusations of intolerance, bigotry, misogyny, misandry and phobias.

Let us look at an example. Fictionsexuals and Otherkin

I have heard of these terms, and if you don’t know what it means, then let me enlighten you.
First, Fictionsexuals. Apparently, if you are only sexually attracted to cartoon characters of characters on television, or books or movies, or any other fictional character… that makes you a fictionsexual.

Now, I get it, I completely understand what it is and who you are. BUT, in saying that… I think this has to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I mean, who here has NEVER has a thing for a fictional character. I, myself, have the biggest hard-on for Major Motoko Kusanagi from Ghost in The Shell. I always have. I would love to do things to her that would.. well.. that’s a topic for a different episode, but you get the picture. I know she is fictional, she does NOT exist, there is no way possible that I could ever have sex with her.

Does that make me a fictionsexual? NO! That makes me a normal human being. There is nothing wrong or special about me for having feelings like this. Dude! I grew up with a guy that had the extreme hots for Jem and the Holograms… not just one, THE ENTIRE BAND!

Another one I will never get is Otherkin. I get that you relate more to a bear, or a deer, or a squirrel than human. I get that you feel more comfortable in a fuzzy costume than you do a t-shirt and jeans. I get that Hecate, goddess of the Moon has bestowed upon you, the mystical power of foresight, and you are the Alpha Wolf…. YAY! Great, let’s set up a party in the great north woods and throw a wilderness kegger! But, if you feel so much like something that is NOT human, something that does not possess the ability to type…. how the hell am I reading a blog that you personally typed up? How are you even talking to me, instead of giving me a series of primal sounds, and facial expressions?

Hey, if you feel like a fish, then that’s fine, grow gils and live in the ocean. I feel that if you claim to feel more in tune with something other than human, then you should feel it 100%, and not a percent that suits your needs, or your ability to dodge reality. Rabbits don’t need to do homework! No, they don’t, but they also don’t wipe themselves after they take a shit.

Like I said, I have no problem with people feeling the way they feel, I’m just asking for some consistency.

After writing this entry, I did a little bit more digging into what Otherkin is, and wouldn’t you know it… Tumblr got it wrong again. So, otherkin is ACTUALLY supposed to mean that you feel that you are the embodiment of your spirit animal, which, in some cultures, is a very spiritual thing, and just so happens to be something I not only acknowledge, but something I believe in. Now, I don’t know what my spirit animal is.. most likely a moose.. but that sounds much more realistic to me. You are still a human, but you have the power of whatever your spirit animal is.

My final unpopular opinion of the night. I honestly believe that if parents were more willing to deal with the fact that their kids are having a tough time trying to figure themselves out, or just needed some support, or someone to talk to, maybe there wouldn’t be so many different modes, or classes or tangents, and the world might be a simpler place.

I’ve talked to a LOT of people that are of a different gender or sexuality than I knew existed when I was growing up, and most, IF NOT ALL, have some form of turmoil at home with their family. Mom or Dad is not understanding or accepting of they way I feel. My brothers and sisters give me shit for the way I dress. I’m scared to come out to my family because they might kick me out of the house.

WHAT THE FUCK KINDA BULLSHIT IS THAT?!?!

I was always under the impression that families were supposed to love each other unconditionally. They they were supposed to be their for each other, that they were supposed to help each other out when times got tough.

I mean yeah, there’s going to be times when Dad rolls his eyes at you, but when you have a legitimate problem, he’ll still be there for you. He’ll still give you a hug and say, “Don’t worry, it’ll be all right. Everything’ll be fine.” I thought moms were supposed to give you Hell when you do something stupid, but when you are faced with a problem and you are being silent about it, moms instinctively know when you approach you and ask what’s wrong. Brothers and Sisters are supposed to be your first best friends!

The amount of “I HATE GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS” shocks me every single year, because it boggles my mind that people hate their families so much, that the holidays are actually a period of great stress, rather than great joy!

And I honestly think that if maybe mom or dad would sit down and talk to you about how you feel, and why you feel the way you feel, then I wouldn’t have to rant about this. Seriously by a show of hands, if your parents just accepted you for who you are, and then talked to you about everything that’s going on in your life, how much would that help? I’d like to think that it would make a world of difference for most.