Mad Murphy – INTEGRITY & WASTED ENERGY

It’s been a past several weeks, Halloween’s finally over, tempers I think have cooled down. Gaming is back up with The Night Shift, the regular schedule is back on, and of course, I have pissed off a slew of Tumblr-Folk.

What kind of week would it be if I didn’t accomplish that last one.

If you missed the fireworks, I’ll sum it up. I called an anon a retard. The initial response was as usual, negative. “You can’t call people that!” and “Wow, that’s so Ableist!” And it was nothing I couldn’t handle. Then a blogger, a very popular blogger, one that I highly respect and admire, jumped in and put in their two cents. Now their opinion on the matter was short and sweet and to the point. “That was kind of a low blow, Murphy.” Sure, OK, fair enough. I can respect that. What happened next, was a complete nightmare!

A gaggle of this bloggers followers decided to jump on the bandwagon for all the wrong reasons and attack all at once. It was like a swarm of ants ruining your picnic. Now mind you, I have already talked to the two people that were initially involved in this, the original offended party, and this well-known blogger, and we had already talked it out and smoothed everything over by this point. The insult to the anon went out at roughly 7pm, and the onslaught didn’t ebb until about 2am.

Still nothing I couldn’t handle, but it was a complete mess. But the entire time, I stood my ground. I owned up to the fact that I called a worthless anon a retard. I even offered an apology to the individual, if they would just come forward… but they never did. The barrage of hate mail, threats even hate art came at me like NASCAR. But I still held firm. I will still not take it back, not for all the dozens of kids that were offended, because I didn’t call YOU that.
I do not apologize to someone else on your behalf, just because you think its wrong, or offensive, or against your religion. If I say something.. I stand by it. I own it, right or wrong. and that’s the first topic of today. INTEGRITY.

That is something I see that not too many people have today. They say something, a backlash hits them, and they back pedal as fast as they can. They lose all credibility by doing that. I may be wrong about some things but at least I’m going to be the first one to admit I am wrong. When I say something or do something that YOU disagree with, that doesn’t necessarily make it automatically wrong, that just means you disagree with it. There’s nothing wrong with that, but pushing your opinion onto others that I may be wrong is NOT right! Which is why I stand by everything I say, no matter the outcome.

Sure I’ve ruffled feathers. Sure I’ve hurt feelings. Sure I’ve robbed and pillaged villages, but that’s not the point! The point is when you say or do something, you stick by it, because if you don’t even believe in what you say or do, then who will? You have to be your #1 supporter. You have to be a fan of yourself. You have to believe in yourself, no matter what. THAT is INTEGRITY. Sticking by your own side until the very end. And it’s a fading quality, and that makes me sad.

There are too many people in this world that just blurt out whatever, are caught on it, and then do the Republican Shuffle and back pedal their way into a corner with a slew of “Well what I meant was…” or “See the thing about that is…”, and rather than just owning up and taking responsibility for what they say or do, they end up in the middle of a labyrinth of lies and fabrication that they have woven themselves into. It is SO MUCH EASIER to simply do what you do, and stick to it.

Say this, when you lie to someone, and we’ve all done it, say you are caught in that lie, what do you do? Own up to it? FUCK NO, you tell another lie to get out of that lie. By the time you’re done, you have woven yourself into a web that you can’t keep straight and you’re going to end up in deeper trouble that if you just owned up to what you did in the first place. That’s why I don’t lie, I just don’t have the energy for it anymore.

With brings us to the second topic: WASTED ENERGY.

I have been accused, not without good reason, of putting too much effort in my rants and anger and “hate” (I say that with the magical floating quotation marks). I have been told that if I were to not put as much time and effort into being angry, that I would be a much happier person.

Are you fucking kidding me? I am NOT putting any effort into any of this. This is just how I am. Those of you who only know me from Tumblr only see one side of me. I use Tumblr, mostly now, as just as anger management. If I see something stupid, or idiotic, I let it out. If you were actually to get to know me, or you ask any of my friends about how I really am, you would find out that I’m actually not as harsh. A little rough around the edges, but I like that about me. I’m not edgy… just, unpolished. I have a shitload of “open mouth insert foot” moments. But, when I’m on Tumblr, I just let all of it out, like turning on a faucet, I just let it spew forth. I try to keep most of it in check, but most of it is just a reflex.

So for all of you that think I put WAY too much effort into being angry, I would like to bring up some evidence that I am not even close to putting any effort into this:

First, This guy, FAQ-GUY, took time out of his day, to search some of my posts, and FAQ on Tumblr and underline choice phrases, take them out of context and put together a post about “How Horrible WellHey Productions is”, the most laughable of all of the highlights, was a joke post about how much I hate Homestuck, which in turn, made me a whiney child because I don’t like it. This kid put together about 10-12 links, all from posts in the recent past, documenting how horrible of a person I am. You have to go through a lot of shit, then bring it all into MS Paint, UNDERLINE IT, RIGHT NOTES, Then post it, post reference links, then have a discussion back and forth on how to word his little soap box speech, only to get 12 notes? THAT’S Wasted Energy! All that work, and for what? Murphy! You’re a bad person!

Aw, Shucks… ruined m’day!

Second, This guy is a sassy 16 year old pansexual that jumped on the retard bandwagon during the final hours, that prefers female pronouns. She made a few underhanded comments during the fray that were lost in the notes, but ultimately, sent me some lovely fan art. with the caption “DAT U!”

This person actually spent time to draw a pile of shit, and then scrawled words denoting how horrible a person. I placed this masterpiece on my blog, and let everyone know who she was. Her response? “Didn’t he understand that it was a joke?” I confronted her about it, and she was completely dismissive.

I may be a little slow sometimes, but what’s really funny about depicting someone as a pile of fecal matter with a FAPPY face, seriously.. the face looks like I’m getting off on just being a pile of poop. THAT’S Wasted Energy. Did it make you feel better about yourself that you sent me that? Not only is this Wasted Energy, but she couldn’t even own up that it was hate art. No Integrity.

Now, I never would have believed it, but apparently, schmuck number two contacted schmuck number three to team up on me.

This guy, VoiceActor. I received an anon stating that they thought my voice acting was subpar, and that I should take voice acting more seriously. I responded by asking for their portfolio, and that I don’t consider myself to be a voice actor, just a guy that reads stories for fun, and that I focus more on the visual elements.

Simple enough, he doesn’t like my style, OK fine, but he perception of WHY I do this was off, so I corrected him, and I thoght that to be the end of it.

Several hours later, I receive a submission for said VoiceActor. A link to a SoundCloud. The audio was a recording of him telling me who he was, apologizing for coming across so harshly, and then another full minute monologue of why I should reconsider putting more effort into my voice work. ALL OF THIS, was orated to me, in a deep, low, cheesey, over-acted and forced voice. I honestly expected him to tell me that I won a new car.

Now, if that voice is his thing, then so be it. that’s his thing. But HIS THING is not MY THING. HIS STYLE is not MY STYLE. I have NEVER been one to do the over-the-top Master of Horror, Once I pondered weak and weary aura upon you guys. That’s just not my thing. I have a style all my own, and if I didn’t LIKE my style, I would have changed it a long time ago.

And even if this guy is trying to give me legitimate advice, why has he waited so long to do so? Why not send this when I was first starting out? I’m not going to switch gears in the middle? I already have a fan base, I’m not going to piss them off, just because some Shakespearian understudy says I need to take this more seriously.

Making videos is my hobby, and all you guys know that. I don’t do this for you, I do this for me, because I enjoy it, and for someone else to tell me that I’m doing what I love incorrectly… is just wrong.

But back to Wasted Energy, this guy took the time to force the voice, record himself, post it online, send me the link and wait for the outcome. THAT’S Wasted Energy! Why go through all of that, when I told you right off the bat that I’m doing what I do for fun. You’re arguing a point that doesn’t need to be argued. And it’s only going to make me stick to my guns tighter.

Just recently, I was made aware that I am being accused of sending anon hate mail. The individual accusing me is getting some backing from another individual who, well, let’s just say, we haven’t seen eye to eye in a long time. Well this individual who received the anonymous hate mail was able to track the IP address, and it said that it came from my general neck of the woods. Well that’s not good. With that information, person #2 in this situation automatically pointed the finger at me. A pretty bold move since there are more than 80 thousand people in my city alone, not to mention all the neighboring communities, suburbs. Anyway, This was all brought to my attention from a friend who simply straight up asked me, and was puzzled since he knew very well I wouldn’t engage in acts this immature. The individual whom accused me gave my friend the IP address to check, we do a lot of online gaming together and connect via Hamachi. My friend compared the IP addresses, mine from Hamachi and this mysterious Anon IP… and wouldn’t ya know it… they didn’t match. But for some, that doesn’t matter.

Let’s just talk about everything that I talked about in the first section. INTEGRITY. If I’m going to threaten you, I’m going to make god damn sure you know where it’s coming from. I am not about stabbing someone in the back, I am all about making sure you know who will be making your life a living Hell. Call it whatever you want. It’s pure narcissism and pride. And I wouldn’t do anything that would physically harm, maim or destroy your psyche. But I would do something that you would be able to say “Jesus Christ, Murphy got me good. Here’s what he did….” Y’can’t do that if you’re anonymous.

Now is this person just making all of this up? Is she being spoonfed lies by #2? Or is there a third party that is just using these two to get at me? Either way this is EXTREME Wasted Energy. To go to these lengths just to get me in trouble with whom? I’m still trying to figure out the motivation on this one.

Last but not least, we have Number 5. A girl wound up so tightly, she can hardly keep her stories or her About Me page straight. A long long time ago, this girl started bashing me for some of my verbiage. I can’t say this and I can’t say that, and every time you do, that makes you a homophobic, racist, intolerant, hate-mongering white cishet fuck boy. Of course, she had no issue with tossing insults to get her point across. After a brief volley, she publicly apologized, claimed she was “having a bad day”, which, personally, has to be the worse excuse someone can give for treating another like shit. I told her that I wouldn’t accept her apology, because it wouldn’t unsay all the things that she said. Fast forward a couple weeks later, and she’s back.. this time, like with a vengeance. Now I cannot remember WHY she came back faster and more furious, but it was for an even more ridiculous reason than before. She even set up her own STOPMURPHY2K14 movement, and did exactly what Number 1 did. Went through all of my posts, picked snippets here and there, out of context, of course. and posted all of this “evidence” on this page, telling the world that I was just shy of The Anti-Christ. THAT is the high-point of my career right there. For someone to hate me SO MUCH, they have to put me up with Satan himself in ranks of horrible beings on this planet. Hitler eat your heart out! But then an amazing thing happened, after I posted a link to the STOPMURPHY2K14 page… She completely disappeared. Well, at least, for now.

So what’s the lesson we learned today? Believe in yourself and support what you do, be your biggest fan, and hold your ground. Even if you fuck up, take responsibility for your own actions, people will respect you more for that, and easily forgive you when you screw up. And stop with the master plans of deviance and wasting your time and energy. In the end, you are going to look like a fool for putting so much time and effort into something so meaningless.