Published on August 26, 2014 by Old Man Murphy

Anons, I hate these guys. We all know how much I hate bullies, well I hate these guys even more. there is nothing more cowardly than hiding behind a gray sphere and sunglasses to dish out your hate.

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Be honest, how many of you have been waiting for me to rip these gene pool rejects a new asshole? Show of hands, c’mon let me get an accurate count. Well then! I wouldn’t want to disappoint all 2 of you.

This entire discussion won’t mean much if you don’t have a Tumblr account, but, to make it fair, I’ll explain what I am going to rant about. When you create a Tumblr account and you start following blogs, you have the opportunity to ask your fellow bloggers questions. When dong this, you also have the option to state who you are, or remain anonymous. Easy enough, you may be too embarrassed to reveal your identity or you my want to protect it. But what I’ve seen more and more of, is that kids like to hide behind the gray face and sunglasses to bully and torment innocent bloggers with their hate.

I have seen crude sexual insults, copious amount of vulgarity and even death threats, all from behind the safety of the anon tag. Don’t let them fool you, sunglasses may make you look cool, but these inbreeds are full-on fuck knobs. How sad does your existence have to be that you feel it necessary to attempt to disrupt some random Doctor Who fan’s life with a comment life “I hope you kill yourself with a Sonic Screwdriver, you worthless faggot!” Does it make you feel better about how you won’t amount to much in your pathetic life when you tell a My Little Pony Fan that when they dress up as Twilight Sparkle, it makes them look like a purple neo-nazi? If you’ve ever received a message from these future ditch-digging hall of famers, let me let you in on a little secret…

You have a much better life than they could ever imagine.

You have creativity, and imagination, and hopes and dreams, and passion, and such an open-mind, that Jethro and his Jug-Band of Sheep fucking inbreds simply cannot conceive. It is so beyond their level of comprehension, they are forced to resort to the only tactic they know… low-brow bullying. The only thing they have in their favor is confidence, easily-shattered confidence, but confidence nonetheless.

Let’s look at the bigger picture here. Julie is a fan of Supernatural, Doctor Who, Sherlock, My Little Pony, Transformers, Creepypasta, Firefly, and The WWE. Quite an eclectic mix, but trust me… people like Julie do exist. Julie alos loves to draw fan art mixing some of her fantoms together: Eleven and Dean will be fighting off Discord and Triple H in an no-holds barred Quidditch Match. She spends hours creating this fantastic depiction, first sketching, then inking and shading, then finally coloring. After several days, she has a masterpiece: a mish-mash of fantasy and reality, and she is proud of it. So proud of it that she wants to share it with her world. She posts it on Tumblr. There are other people following Julie’s blog, and they see this work of art, and comment accordingly:




And all it right with the world, and Julie is happy, that she was able to create something beautiful, and share it with others who may find it beautiful as well.

Enter Marcus. Marcus is a dick. Marcus cannot draw, Marcus fears everything he does not understand, and therefore makes fun of it, as a defense mechanism. He phrase of choice is: “THAT’S STUPID!” mainly because years of not paying attention in class has finally paid off, he is an idiot. May some freak chance, someone who reblogged Julie’s photo is a blog that Marcus follows. Marcus sees the picture and immediately gets angry because he wishes he could draw that well, he wishes he could draw, he wishes that his mother and father loved him enough to support his love of art, or that he wanted to be creative when he was two, but Mama was too busy cheating on his father, and daddy got too drunk to care, that port little Marcus had to fend for himself. So instead of learning to be creative, Marcus instead learned how to burn ants in the back yard with a Magnifiying glass. Instead of just scrolling on by, instead of just leaving it alone, instead of facing the truth, Marcus must expel this wrath on some unsuspecting innocent, simply because he just doesn’t get it. He clicks the source link, and is immediately into a colorful world of imagination and beauty, a trait that Julie’s parents supported and nurtured throughout all her life. There are dragons, and kittens and castles. There are storm clouds raining licorice onto cotton candy fields. There is hope in this girl’s life, and Marcus has one thing on his mind, fuck that stupid cunt!

It only take a few keystrokes, but Marcus has now planted a seed of hatred into Julie’s inbox that will soon turn Julie’s playful world, into one of despair and terror. The best Marcus can type, which is roughly 50 minutes per letter, Marcus ticks out “FUCK YOU KUNT, U SHUD KILL YURSELF!”

Julie receives the message and a flurry of emotions strike her all at once. Why would someone say that to her? What did I do to anger someone that much? Who is this anon, and how can I apologize? This confusion spiral soon sends Julie into a word of pain and agony. Marcus, knowing full well that her fun has now ended, and he feels a little better about himself, now that someone else feels as bad as he does.

Here’s what we need to take away from this: This scenario may be a tale I just made up, but it’s really not THAT different from the truth. Shit like this happens, for whatever reason, Julies will always be bullied by Marcuses. And it’s always for the same reason, Marcus isn’t happy with his life, and the best way to get someone out of a bad mood, is to spread it. Now Julie’s in a bad mood. We also need to look at how this should have been handled. Marcus can easily be handled by simple and clever retaliation. Julie, c’mon… you got an A+ in creative writing… time to put those vocabulary skills to god use and bombard your anon hater with so much jargon that they won’t be able to decipher the first sentence! Use Shakespearean slang! Break out every last thesaurus you can and pulverize his pea-sized brain with enough of the English Language that would choke a donkey!

I’m just going to come out and say it, If you have a Tumblr account, the average intelligence level is barely enough to keep a light bulb powered for a day. People rarely check their sources and a massive amount of disinformation and rumor have infected the lands worse than the 10 plagues of Egypt! It’s not raining frogs, they’re gravity challenged, and you need to trigger that! If The general Tumblr nation is populated with these geniuses, then Tumblr Anon’s are the bottom of their barrel.

Considering yourself a smart Tumblr anon is like saying you’re the smartest kid on the short bus, congratulations… I’ll hang that finger painting of a purple cow on the fridge!

Like with most bullies, if you stand up for yourself, a bully will rarely continue to push. Where’s the fun in that.. bullies are lazy, they don’t want to pick on someone they know is going to put up a fight. And Tumblr Anon’s are even lazier and even more cowardly, they can’t even back their words with their own face. They have to hide behind a gray ball with sunglasses, and you’re going to let that bullshit bother you? A faceless, spineless coward has just called you a naughty word….. IT’S THE FUCKING APOCALYPSE!!!


Is really doesn’t take much to stand up to a Tumblr Anon. Here are several things you can do:

CLICK DELETE, don’t even acknowledge it.
CLICK RESPOND, and tear them a new asshole with the brain God gave you!
CLICK INGORE. This is probably the best option, because now, Tumblr has it built in that even though you can’t see who this person is… Tumblr still knows. So click IGNORE and they can’t pick on you ever again… they will have to make a new account. And here’s the fun thing to imagine. They have so much free time… y’know between the sessions of World of Warcraft that they have to spend all that time to create a new account just to harass you. Think of how sad that is… they have THAT MUCH free time, that they would actually spend it, not on enriching their lives, or bettering their situation, but creating a new Tumblr account.. just to bully people…


The only weapon these pricks have is confidence. Like I said, it may not be MUCH, but its enough to reach out to you to pick on you. At it really takes is just a soft nudge, and they crumble like a Cool Ranch Dorito under their own fat ass. And if you do push back, its so fun to watch them hunt for all the crumbs they lost in their folds.

The Tumblr Anon is a worthless creature, contributing little or nothing to society, and that’s how they should be treated, with little or no regard. They are not a worth your time, and hopefully, they will become extinct, just like the lyger you created in your fan-fiction when Shang-dor the Rancid, killed off the lot of them, so he could make but a single robe from their once beautiful hide.

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