Published on August 21, 2015 by Old Man Murphy

After watching one too many “EVERYONE SUCKS” videos, I figure it was time to weigh in on this.

Mechanolith – Kevin MacLeod (
Your Call – Kevin MacLeod (
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0

All Imagery, not created by WellHey Productions is licensed under Creative Commons 1.0


We’ve seen it before. A video, a blog post, a status update – it’s raining insults, complaints and bullshit. It’ll list all of the stuff that’s wrong, what’s broken, who’s to blame, why it happened, who’s going to pay and how their life is totally ruined because of it.

I’ve seen more “THE PROBLEM WITH:” type videos than I care to admit, simply because someone wanted my approval. Points are made, and then beaten to death, but they all lack one vital element: A Solution.

When you complain about someone or something without proposing a solution of how one can better themselves, or the situation can be improved, you are WHINING. You are offering no positive criticism, no open discussion and no way to make improvements. You are simply showing to everyone that you offer little to no value to anything, and if we want to get shit done, and make things better, you’re not gonna be considered as someone who can help.

If you want to make any headway in this world, you just can’t go around and say what’s wrong, ANYONE can do that. HELL, my 5-year old can do that. He can say “THAT’S NOT FAIR”, just as you’re saying “THIS GUY SUCKS”. Well WHOOP-DEE-DOO, so fucking what? Life’s not fair, people are gonna suck, that’s the nature of things. We want to know HOW to make it fair. We want to know how NOT to suck. Tearing someone or something down is NOT a difficult thing to do, in fact, its one of the easiest things to do. So if you’re going to rant for 15 minutes about how you feel violated that no one will notice you and take you seriously, you might want to look at how you’re dealing with reality, or lack thereof.

At least in THESE videos, I will attempt to offer a solution, an option, a way you may be able to better yourself, or a situation. Am I saying I am perfect, FUCK NO. I can ALWAYS do with some improvement, but if all you’re going to do is toss around insults thinking that “HEY, I’M A BADASS, LOOK AT ME.” then I’m sorry, you are a complete joke. Many people have come up to me and said, “y’know what would be awesome?” or “hey, I have a suggestion”, and they’re always cool about it, because they see I’m a person and treat me like a person, and offer respect so that I will respect their opinion. Now, that doesn’t mean that I like every suggestion that’s been offered, so I politely AND RESPECTFULLY decline. “Hey, I like where you’re going with this, but it’s just not my cup of tea. I do appreciate you thinking of this though. And who knows, I may change my mind in the future.” See… now what I did what I graciously declined, but still enforced that they had a good idea. Sometimes it will be a HORRIBLE idea, and I will just say “no thank you”, but NEVER EVER EVER will I insult someone who’s just stating their opinion in a respectful and mature way.

I recently watched this one video that was a roller-coaster from the get go. This guy sucks, this girl sucks, this guy’s a bitch, this girls a cunt, and this guy… whoa… total prick. Congratulations, you’ve made it to the fourth grade. Anyone with a mouth can do that. the fact that this video has over a hundred views is beyond me, but without true leadership, anyone with a loud enough voice is going to take the reigns. After the initial blast of hate, it was on and on about how THIS SUCKS, and THAT SUCKS, and then more HE SUCKS, and SHE SUCKS, and YOU SUCK, and I SUCK and it’s not even the good kind of sucking going on… c’mon baby… give us a LITTLE bit of sugar!

If you read most of the comments on these Mad Murphy videos, most of them read, Thank you for your insight, or WOW, I never thought of it like that, or DAMN, you really helped. Not like Whack-a-Doodle, who gets comments like GO SUCK A FUCK, YOU RANCID BLUE WAFFLE, which is kind of redundant, but who am I to criticize a blue waffle laiden insult?

My first and foremost motivation is to help. I want everyone to be able to better themselves, and the amount of acclaim and decent comments on my videos and on tumblr attest that I am doing at least somewhat a good thing.

I, at least, have the common decency to offer a possible solution to the problem. Good god, if I just pointed out all the bad without showing a glimmer of hope, I would have killed myself YEARS ago from the onset depression that I plagued upon myself from focusing on nothing but the absolutely worst in everything I see.

So you want to reach out, but more times than not, you are met with an onslaught of hate, just by posing an opposite point of view. These are what we call bullies. Their main objective is to get an emotional response out of you, and if they don’t succeed at first, they will get worse and worse.

Bullies do NOT know how to argue. They don’t. Logic is their Kryptonite, and they don’t like it one bit, and they will attempt to hit you harder so they can bring you down to their playing level.

This is actually quite helpful online, because most if not all of you are going to watch this online, and most likely have a social media account somewhere where you run into this kinda shit all the time. **cough cough** tumblr **cough cough**. There’s no real way to defuse their idiocy, you just have to ride out the storm, but if you stick to this cheat sheet, you will come out smelling like a rose.

First: always stick to the issue, never the person. If you have an argument with someone, debate the issue. Do not attack your opponent’s character. Bullies like to do this ALL this time. Say for instance, if I start to take the upper hand in an argument, and they immediately resort to “YEAH? WELL YOU GOT A SMALL DICK!” What the fuck does that have to do with continuing federal funding for Planned Parenthood? Someone start attacking my character, I usually fire back with a “aw, you’re so cute when you’re angry.” An emotional response, yes… but not the one they were looking for, the degradation of intelligent response will spiral out of control until it results in a “DROPS MIC”. OK, so now you’re Eminem… fine… you shouldn’t have any problem funding Planned Parenthood all yourself.

Second: NEVER attack your opponent’s family and friends. I really shouldn’t have to mention this one, but.. well… wouldn’t ya know it. If you can’t get a response out of them being attacked, maybe you can get a response by attacking those closest to your opponent. Yes, let’s attack your opponent’s significant other, or child, or mother and father, or friends, and other relatives… that will get my point across. Well, that is true, you have made a point, but not the point you were trying to make. See, when you attack people that have nothing to do with the argument that you are in, it makes the point that you have nothing of value to input any further. The argument is over, I win. And it’s even better when the offending party types their insults rather than says them, because then, you have a permanent record that you can screenshot and frame on your wall.

Third: Take notes on everything that is said, you will need it. Most idiots simply want the upper hand, and they really don’t care what they say, as long as it’s against what you say. Welcome to a term that I love: SELF-CONTRADICTION. If you take notes, and pay attention, this is occur early on. Point A is made on your behalf, Counterpoint A is made by douchenozzle. Point B is made by you, Counterpoint B is made by douchnozzle, but it immediately contradicts Counterpoint A. You don’t even NEED to hit Point C, because if you’ve taken notes, you can just point out how Counterpoint A and Counterpoint B contradict each other, and watch their brain turn into jelly.

Fourth: NEVER swear, unless absolutely necessary. Even thought I curse a shitton, I rarely if never use vulgarity when I argue or debate. BIG WORDS CONFUSE MONGO. And that’s why I have a fairly large vocabulary. When I debate against an opponent, it is a extremely good tactic to use fairly large words, mind you they need to be valid. Just don’t bust out your thesaurus, and replace all your boring words with bigger extraneous words. That’s just a rookie mistake. Instead LEARN bigger words and adopt them in your everyday vocabulary. Then, when you need them to appear, you will have a variable potpourri of insightful and comprehending words to use in your hopefully expeditious altercation against your antagonizer.

Of course, if you are still in high school, hopefully you should have a debate team. Why not try out for them, learn more fantastic and amazing techniques on how to overcome a low-brow bully who only knows how to deliver low blows like how red your hair is, or how you might be someone’s bitch. Bullies do not like intelligent opponents, because it doesn’t take an intelligent opponent long to put a bully’s brain in a stranglehold.

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