I’ve been waiting for a LONG TIME to finally get to this Mad Murphy, and here it is. Time to talk about bullies! But instead of a regular rant, I want to give you some very helpful tips on how to deal with them yourself. I’ve used these this technique for years and it hasn’t failed me yet.
Mechanolith – Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Aces High – Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
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Ah, I’ve been waiting to get to this one. this is probably one of my favorite topics to rant about because it is the one topic that 100% of us can relate to. 50% of us are bullies, while the other 50% are bullied. Actually those stats are not accurate at all. It’s more of a 80/20 split, maybe even a 90/10. Shocking, huh. Its even more shocking when I reveal that 10% are bullies and 90% are bullied. I’m not kidding, there are WAY more people getting bullied than there are bullies. And the sad thing is, is that most of those who are bullied say that they feel helpless and alone. That is the power of a bully, they have the uncanny knack of exploiting all of your insecurities.
Their brand of torture can come in various different ways, could be physical, could be mental, could be emotional, could be indirectly, directly, overtly, subconsciously, they have MANY different weapons, and we all need to know how to disarm them and fight back.
I say WE, because I was once bullied, viciously as well. If you haven’t listened to my Storytime with Murphy: Genesis, then I’ll fill you in. I was bullied by not only kids in my class, but by teachers and administration, some of which were “of the cloth”. Now I’ve gotten a lot of comments hoping that I’m OK and that I’ve very brave for coming forward, when the truth is… being bullied by so many when I was a child, has made me in the the strong individual i was today. Because I was bullied for my differences, I am extremely tolerant of others. Because I was bullied for my beliefs, I am extremely understanding of others viewpoints. But of course there were some side effects. Because I was bullied as often as I was, I have a pent up wrath that Hades himself would say, “Whoa there, guy! You need to chill.” I do NOT look as myself as a victim, anymore. Oh, sure, I used to say OH WOE IS ME, I WAS PICKED ON AS A KID, BOO HOO HOO. But then… I grew up, spun it around so that I could draw strength from it, and NOW… I’m a bully-busting asshole. And I can tell each and everyone of you how to stand up to a bully for 3 easy payments of 99.9… wait wait wait… whoa… did I really write down that I was going to charge you folks for this? Christ, I must have had a foul morning when I wrote this. FUCK… ok
the lesson’s free… because no one should have to go through ANY of this shit.
STEP ONE: If you are being bulled, I mean really being bullied. I’m not talking about you and your friends make fun of each other, and you can dish it out, but you can’t fucking’ take it. You just need to grow a fucking spine if you think THAT is being bullied. But if you are actually being bullied, you need to stand up to them.
It’s the hardest step, I swear. Because, when you stand up to a bully, they are going to automatically see that as a challenge. They are going to see it as they need to bully you harder. And it WILL get worse. But if you stand up to them, then everything else is downhill.
STEP TWO: STAND YOUR GROUND. Like I said in Step One, it won’t be easy, and the first time you stand up, it’s gonna be brutal, but if you stand your ground, they will quickly realize that you are done putting up with their shit, and 9 times out of 10, the bully will simply move on.
STEP THREE: (OPTIONAL) MAKE IT PUBLIC. If you have access to a public outlet where many can see what you have been through, USE IT. There are literally MILLIONS of people out there that are bullied and your strength can be their strength. Let people know how you were bullied, and how you overcame it. It will help more people than you could possibly imagine.
STEP FOUR: DEFEND THE ALAMO. Once you make it public, there is a chance that the bully will see what you have posted. If that’s the case, refer back to step two and stand your ground, they may retaliate. If they do, it will not nearly be as bad as the first fight, because a shitload of their wind will no longer be in their sails, and sometimes, it will be even quite laughable.
I’d like to give you all an example of how I’ve dealt with bullies in recent. No I’m not going to name names, but in the community I reside in, this tale of bully decimation is well-known, so if anyone else wants to clue everyone else in, go right ahead.
About a year ago, I knew this one individual, when I was fairly unknown. I traded Skype information with someone who said they were fairly well known in the community, and immediately thought… cool.. networking. The months went by and I never talked to this kid. NEVER! I was in a live stream ONCE after I started making tracks and climbing the ladder fairly quickly, but… ugh… It was a Let’s Play of a video game and I felt more like a fifth wheel with the remainder of the group being his posse. Imagine watching someone play a video game you have no interest in, and all of their yes men agreeing with everything he says… it was embarrassing.
Fast forward a few more weeks. I am now getting spam from said individual saying WATCH MY VIDEO. that’s all I ever hear from this person… never a HI or a HELLO or a HEY, WHAT’S NEW WITH YOU. Just spam spam spam. So, just like anyone else getting spam, I block it, or rather block him. There was no more point in having this person in my contact list.
One day later, I was informed from one of my close friends that the said individual had some choice descriptive words for me, I had an inkling why, but I wanted this kid to simply come out and admit why he now thought the way he did. So, I unblocked him just to confront him, and he hid, went Do Not Disturb.
AW SHIT, why you play like that baby?
I contacted some other folks that still talked to this kid and asked them very nicely if they could please let this person know… that I was looking for them.
The kid finally responded with an innocent, “What’s up, everyone saying that you wanted to see me?”
Ooh… this gonna be good.
I asked him about what he said, and why he said it, and my suspicions were square on. I was being called names for blocking him. I questioned him further about what makes me such a bad person for what I did? He could not give me a definite answer. What he did do was throw several other individuals, all of which had nothing to do with the conversation, under the bus. Not since Lord Farquaad have I seen such a valiant sacrifice. I stood my ground, and leaned on him. Nothing about what I had done makes me a bad person, I simply did not want to be bothered by his spam. After a few more volleys back and forth about how he hates the drama that SURPRIZINGLY gets himself into, he did the unthinkable.
He brought my son into the fray.
Not a smart move, Sunny Jim. Not a Smart Move at all.
I let him now, that he ever mentioned my boy again, that he would wish that he was never born. And I left ended the conversation.
I proceeded to copy and paste the entire transcript of the conversation that I had with this kid on Tumblr with the title “EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW WHO THIS KID REALLY IS” and it got very positive feedback.
We now played the waiting game.
About 30 minutes later, he came crawling back begging to apologize, which I never accepted. He proceeded to dig himself deeper, and deeper by passing the blame onto others, blaming his behavior because his brother was in the hospital, another friend committed suicide, yadda yadda yadda. I wouldn’t have any of it, and told him that if he didn’t want any of this drama to continue, just to simply walk away for this fight, because at this point… there is NO way that he could win. Nope, he had to prove something to me.. and what he proved was that he is a grade A idiot. Deeper and Deeper he went into the rabbit hole until he could no longer see the sunlight. And before he knew it, I was tossing the dirt back in the hole to fill it back in.
There were a few more minor details, apparently I started a war, which I thought was very productive for a lazy Sunday afternoon. and that i would be soooooo sorry for everything that I had ever done to him, none of which came to fruition and I hadn’t heard from him until…
Several weeks ago, a new friend of mine, who was going through a bit a of a rough patch, used the vast power of YouTube to ask for some help. The very same kid from before, began making it very difficult for this other guy for some unknown reason, other than he loves to watch the world burn. So new friend approaches me because he heard how I handled this kid, and I told him exactly what I went over earlier. You need to confront him, and then stand your ground. Make sure you use a communication device where you can log all of your conversations with him, and you will be able to bust him in a few short days.
My friend was a bit reluctant, but I told him to trust me, this bully like to play a very specific game, and honestly, he plays it very poorly. Sure enough, within 2-3 days, my friend managed to get this bully to leave him alone and get him kicked out of a group chat due because of it.
Will I ever hear from that bully again, maybe. I’m not holding my breath for a rematch if that’s what you mean. I could care less. I have more important things to thing about and do with my life than to wait for some idiot to try to disrupt my life.
And that’s the last step, STEP FIVE: MOVE ON. Once the battle is over and you have come out victorious… just drop all that revenge and vengeance that you holstered for so long, and get on with your life. You don’t want to end up like Inigo Montoya at the end of Princess Bride
“I’ve been in the revenge business for so long, now that it’s over, I don’t know what to do with the rest of my life.”
Sorry, you can’t become the Dread Pirate Roberts, but you can become a role model for others to lean on when they first run into trouble with their own six fingered man.