Published on June 24, 2014 by Old Man Murphy

Mommy and Daddy must be so proud that have so much integrity, that you have to bring a man’s son into your insults and harassment. Because why not, a three-year old can defend himself properly against your hate and idiocy.

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You must have a death wish. This has happened WAY too many times that I can recall, and there are some people that seem to think that this is OK behavior. In no way am I a helicopter parent, but I’ll be DAMNED if I’m going to let you pick on my kid!

For those of you who not understand what it is like to be a GOOD parent. Let me refresh your short-term memories from Issue 3, Modern Parenting. If you parent your children correctly, and by parenting them, I mean being their parent and not trying to be their best friend… you end up being their best friend because they will look up to you, idolize you, respect you. I’ve told of my 1-2-3 policy, and that I barely ever have to get passed 2 anymore, and even if I get to 3, the boy knows what’s coming, and covers his little butt.

But with all of the yelling and scolding and spanking and sending to the room… I still love my son, and if you are not a parent, you will have no idea what that kind of love is. I can try to explain it, but it still won’t come close. Parental love is like a teacher loving their student, a sergeant loving their soldier, a brother loving their sister, a husband loving their wife, a Whovian loving their Doctor, a physician loving their patient, a knight loving their damsel in distress and a god loving their creation. Now if you can wrap your brain around that, multiply that by 1000, you will barely have an inking about what I’m talking about… but it’s a start.

And YOU… a spoiled, entitled, bored little cretan with nothing better to do with their lives than play video games, watch TV and surf the web thought it would be hiLARious to turn your focus from poking the bear, to turning on the cub.

I have never meant the following phrase more in my life than right now, “ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?”

Have you ever SEEN National Geographic? The Game with Anthony Hopkins and Alec Baldwin.. SHIT… have you even seen The Grizzly Man… YOU NEVER MESS WITH A BABY CUB IN FRONT OF THE MAMA. YOU WILL DIE A HORRIBLE, PAINFUL AND SLOW DEATH! And messing with a Murphy Cub is just as fatal!

I have beat the ever loving piss out of people for so much less, so you have NO IDEA what you are getting yourself into, boy!

OK, Murphy… let’s calm down here… breathe… breathe….

I can handle myself… I can take everything you idiots can dish out, because frankly… I have seen MUCH worse. The “bullying” that you think you are doing… the “joshing” that you think is so cute… not even CLOSE to what I’m used to in my youth, so I can take it, and I handle it. I shoot you shit right back, 75% of you have no idea how to handle that… no one’s ever stood up to you before, and you don’t know what to do next. And then there’s the select few of you, who make the dumbest mistake you’ll ever make. Why will it be the dumbest mistake ever, because, you won’t amount to much after mom and dad kick you out of the basement, maybe Assistant Manager at Burger King… maybe. but you figure that since you can’t frazzle Murphy… you figure, well I have to get a reaction out of him somehow, let’s pick on his kid.

I’m not going to promise you any amount of pain, because i don’t believe in violence. I will not promise you years and years of torture, because I’m too old to hold onto a grudge. I will humiliate the fuck out of you to the point where you won’t want to leave you bedroom for 6 months, and MAYBE.. just maybe.. I’ll show up on your doorstep and frighten the fuck out of you.. maybe… or maybe I’ll wait, maybe.. and let you sweat it out.

Have I gone to prison? Maybe

Have I seen a man die in my arms? Maybe?

Did I kill him just to watch him die? None of you will ever know.

I am a very protective father, that is the ONLY thing you can be 100% sure of, and I will do ANYTHING to protect my family… ANYTHING.

Let’s look at the various ways people have attempted to get at me through my son.

“Hey Murphy, what if you son grew up to be a faggot?”

I can tolerate you using your words against me, but you’re using my words against my son, an innocent who has nothing to do with this. Did you think it cute to bring in outside help to make you point? Y’know who also brings in details of previous subjects to a fight? People who know they’re going to lose! They bring in stuff that gave them the upper hand in a previous altercation, because they got nothing presently. and that’s just what you are… nothing.

“Hey Murphy, XXX”

“Don’t you have some bastard kids to take of?”

You know this one dead!

My MAIN issue is this. If you have a problem with me, then take it up with me… don’t try to cop out and act like a faggot and try to get to me by attacking my son, you’ll end up with a mouse lodged down your throat and a keyboard jammed up your ass. I’ve seen X-Rays… not pretty.

I don’t want my son getting caught up in all of this Internet insanity yet.. I would like to keep his mind unwrapped for as long as possible. I bring him into the picture because I am extremely proud of him and love him very much. More than twice of all of you combined. So don’t think for a second that I won’t kill a bitch who wants to pick a fight with my kid.

HAVE WE ALL LEARNED OUR LESSON? GOOD, Let’s not have it happen again.

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