MAD MURPHY – Adults vs. Grown Ups

ADULTS VS. GROWN-UPS

So you’ve reached 18, you can vote, you can enlist, or maybe you’ve reached 21, you can drink, you can gamble, that makes you an adult, right? FUCK NO! You’ve just grown up. After watching many people my age, and older, I have come to realize that there is a DEFINITE distinction between ADULTS and GROWN UPS.

Have you ever heard constantly say “I need an adult?” when they are well over 21? It’s one thing to say it jokingly and sparingly, but when it flies out of your mouth whenever you have to make a decision or take responsibility, chances are you’re not an adult, you’re just a grown up. What about those that say “I don’t want to adult today.” Any use of the word ADULT in the form a verb, automatically disqualifies you from actually being an adult, because ADULTS deal with it. Oh, they may gripe and complain that it’s NOT their responsibility, but they’ll still take responsibility and get the job done. And that’s the difference in a nutshell. GROWN UPS are just kids who grew up. They take no responsibility, they have no respect for anything, but they legally can do anything they want. ADULTS deal with it. Shit needs to get done, you call an ADULT. Shit needs to get dealt with, you call and ADULT. You need someone to rely on, you call an ADULT.

Think of all the terms you knew when you were a kid. GROWN UPS were the enemy, because they didn’t want you to have any fun. That’s because they want all the fun for themselves. GROWN UPS were always telling you to do this and do that, because they didn’t want to do any of it themselves. And let’s face it, NOBODY wants to grow up… we all wanted to be Toy-R-Us Kids, they had the best for so much less, you’ll really flip your lid! Think of all the negative connotations you knew about ADULTS when you were a kid?

I can’t think of ANY. GROWN UPS were the enemy, they were ALWAYS the enemy, and even today, now that I have grown up into an ADULT, GROWN UPS are STILL the enemy.

Here’s the easiest way to find out. Say you need something done, something simple, like taking out the trash. Ask someone over 21 to take out the trash for you, while you work on something else that HAS to be done. If there’s an excuse, whether it be a TV Show or a Video Game or anything really – Then you got yourself a GROWN UP. Let’s think of something a little bit more difficult here. Um… An Emotional crisis of some sort, say one of your parents died and you are extremely distraught. An ADULT will talk to you about it, get the ball rolling, get you to express your emotions so that you start or continue the grieving process. They will ask what YOU want. They will empathize. They will be that shoulder you need. A GROWN UP will avoid you at all costs, because they have the emotional development of Spongebob Squarepants. Let’s take something else, sex. We all love sex – well most of us. BUT, ever since the 1980’s everyone who’s got a brain in their head has been taken precaution, right? Right. ADULTS take precautions, whether it be for disease or pregnancy, ADULTS play it safe. Because ADULTS have this crazy notion that, HEY if both of us are in our comfort zones, this might be the best fuckin sex I’ve ever had! WHAT A CONCEPT! GROWN UPS are more about their own naughty bits, and rarely take yours into consideration. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll pull out.” “Yeah, Yeah, I’m on the pill or something.” “I’m sure I don’t have anything, I haven’t had sex in weeks.”

If you’ve heard one of these, you ain’t fucking an ADULT, You are playing humpy-humpy with a Grown Baby, and they try to put everything in their mouths. Slobber on everything, poop their pants on occasion, ugh… it’s a mess. Then you have to get the sheets dry cleaned and then explain to your roommate why is smells like formula and shit in your room… it’s just completely avoidable.

The point I’m trying to make is that GROWN UPS are simply not mentally or emotionally capable of handling the things that ADULTS deal with on a regular basis. A GROWN UP still worries about what he said and she said and how much RAM do I put in my computer so I can play Infernal Zombies 6 and when the next Marvel Comic movie is coming out. They will make the wrong choice over getting a 300 dollar tattoo, or paying rent. Cooking is foreign to them, always take-out or drive thru. Don’t even ask them what the different settings on a washing machine or dishwasher mean. For ADULTS, that’s just Tuesday. Pay the bills, clean the kitchen, wash 3 loads of laundry, have to separate the whites from the darks from the colors, Set the dishes on Pots and Pans, because that lasagna was left on the pan last night, again.. THANKS CHAD…

The only thing I will never agree on is making the bed. My mom and dad make their bed, why? You’re just gonna get back in it in a several hours later and mess it all back up again. Oh, you’re doing it in case you have company… what kind of company you having over that you’re going to give them an intimate tour of your bedroom? Would you like to feel these 1200 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, Deborah?

I was forced to moved out on my own pretty much after I got out of college, because my folks were sick of me lounging around feeling sorry for myself, so they said, get a job and get the fuck OUT. So I had to figure it out. I had to get a job, already had a car, pay for gas, pay for rent, pay all the utilities, gas, electric, water. Wanted Cable and Internet, then food and luxuries… I smoked cigarettes back then, so that was 4-5 bucks every day for a pack, then what if I went out with the guys? I had to make sure I didn’t spend ALL my paycheck, because I had to make sure that I paid my rent on time, because my landlord was a cunt. It really wasn’t that difficult, I just DID IT. I didn’t have any lapses of reason, or overdrafts or anything like that. I just made it happen, and still lived fairly well on my own. Now getting me to clean… that’s another story, but I DID do it when the stank got REALLY bad.

And that’s the long and the short of it, ADULTS just do it, GROWN UPS make excuses why not to do it. ADULTS deal with shit, GROWN UPS complain that they can’t deal with it. ADULTS take charge, GROWN UPS dodge out of the way.

Last year I went to my 20th High School Reunion and actually had fun. Everyone asked how I was doing and what I was up to, and I told them… got a house, two kids, serious income, doing this thing on YouTube, it’s great… how bout you? “Oh.. y’know… livin the dream.” I heard that at LEAST 5 or 6 times… and it always from the guys in my graduating class that were the most popular, the jocks, the high rollers. After the sixth guy said to me “oh, y’know, livin the dream.” I stopped him… and I asked, what dream? He stopped. I said, I’ve heard that from a few other guys tonight, “living the dream”, what is this dream? I am generally curious.He stammered, well.. Y’know.. No one holding me down, I’m in charge of my own life, y’know… the dream. I gave him a sad smile, cuz I knew exactly what he meant. No relationship, no kids, crappy apartment, dead end job, goes out every night drinking and partying, has no responsibility to anyone but himself. WOW… and at 40… yeah… what a dream.

I remember a scene from Uncle Buck where John Candy has a moment of realization, where him and all his friends were all out drinking, and he was still the swinging bachelor, and they would always say “Buck, you got it made, no wife, no job, you are living the high life man!”… funny thing is, 10 years later, none of them are saying that anymore.

We all have to grow up sometime.

But that doesn’t mean your inner child has to stop living. Are you fucking kidding me? LOOK AT ME… I am the perfect example of that. I take responsibility for my own actions, I hold down a fantastic career with a promising future that has medical, dental and vision, a 401k, so I’m saving for when I retire, stock options, we have a family accountant, got a nice house in a nice neighborhood, raising two fantastic kids.. And STILL.. I will act like a complete dork at the drop of a hat, because life is too short to take everything too serious. You can do both, it is possible.

This is what I tell my son all the time, We have to DO what we gotta do, before we go what we WANT to do. And that applies to everyone. Take care of the important stuff first, the fun stuff will wait for you, and good things always come to those who wait.